John Oliver Knows You Hate New Year’s Eve – And Tells You What To Do About It

Last Week Tonight With John Oliver, much beloved by the Wot4thW team, remains on winter hiatus until early 2015, but New Year’s Eve was too tempting a target for Oliver to remain completely silent.

Oliver released a web-exclusive video segment to say what everyone over the age of 26 is thinking – New Year’s Eve is bollocks and nobody really wants to partake. “New Year’s Eve is the worst,” Oliver explains. “It combines three of the least pleasant things known to mankind: Forced interaction with strangers, being drunk, cold and tired, and having to stare at Ryan Seacrest for five solid minutes, waiting for him to tell you what the time is.”

Not sure what to do to get out of plans with your less enlightened friends? No problem, Oliver has you covered there, too: “Simply tell them you’re doing a cleanse. Now, true, here’s the thing – yes, you’re right, that’s not technically an excuse, but the beauty is there will be no follow-up questions because nobody wants to hear about your fucking cleanse. Nobody.”

Watch Oliver’s manifesto, embedded below, and be liberated from the socially-mandated New Year’s Eve drunken revelry. After all, if 2014 taught us one thing, it’s that time is a flat circle anyway, right? As for the Wot4thW editors, we’ll be partying like it’s 2007 with Rock Band and takeout, and trying not to wake up a three-year-old.